


Shall We Play a Game?

by AslansCompass



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-15
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-04-26 10:52:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5001928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AslansCompass/pseuds/AslansCompass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We're going to play a little game.  I'm going to kill you; you may attempt to kill me.  Whoever reaches five first, wins."<br/>Missy half closed one eye.  The Doctor should keep a closer eye on his allies--it was like leaving a gambler in the room with extra decks and a marker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AU where Missy didn't kill Osgood in Death in Heaven, because you don't play all your cards in the opening hand. Any gambler knows you slip some under the table for later

Osgood switched her bag of groceries to her left hand as she fumbled with the front door of her flat.  It swung open as she leaned on it. Odd; surely she'd locked it before leaving.  She stepped inside, setting the bag on the floor for a moment in order to examine the door.  

At first glance, there was no indication of anything unusual. The frame was not splintered, nothing was broken in the lock.   Even the pictures on the wall were perfectly straight.  She was imagining things.  

 "Hello, darling,"  Something crashed into the back of her neck.

Pain exploded everywhere. 

But only for a second.


	2. Chapter 2

"Breath. That's it, dearie. Just breathe." Strong hands pressed the inhaler against her lips.  The angle wasn't quite right, but Osgood breathed in anyway. 

"There we go. Feeling better?"

"My spine--" Osgood gasped as pain roared like fire.

"Yes, death by blunt trauma generally does hurt."

That voice... "Missy? What are you doing here? I thought you were dead."  She tried to stand up, but pain shoved her down.

"Dead? No, death is boring. I should know, I've had plenty of experience."  Missy stood in front of her, so close that Osgood could only see the dark skirt and boots,  "We're going to play a little game. I'm going to kill you; you may attempt to kill me. Whoever reaches five first, wins."

"What?"

"I though you were clever," Missy tisked. "It's quite simple, honestly.  First one to five wins. Current score: you: zero. Me: one."

 "What is this, some sort of sick Hunger Games reenactment?"   Osgood managed to get up, leaning heavily on the wall.  

"You're talking, is that really necessary? I mean, honestly, I expect that sort of thing from the Doctor, it's all part of the show, but his pets just keep yapping and yapping." 

"Pets?"

"Quite. Now shut up, or I'll kill you again."

Osgood backed down the hall, unwilling to look away.   When she reached the stairs, she bolted up them into her bedroom, slammed the door behind her, and locked it.

 _OhGodOhGodOhGod..._ The Master was in her flat. The Doctor's archenemy was in her flat, threatening to kill her.  Had killed her, apparently.  So what was this then, virtual reality? An afterlife?  She reached for her inhaler reflexively, but it wasn't there. Focus. Focus.  

All the files she'd ever read rushed through her mind: murderous daffodils, shrink rays, the Year-that-Never-Was.  

And now all that psychotic energy was focused on her.   

Osgood yanked off her left boot,  peeled back the gel insert and took out the weapon hidden inside.  She wasn't a field operative, but the mandatory training was thorough.  A concealed handgun was standard issue among upper-level UNIT operatives,  even the ones who didn't work in the field. 

She replaced the shoe, checked the laces, and picked up the gun.  (You have one shot, the instructor had told her, one shot where they're distracted. 

"Honestly, why bother running?  You'll only prolong the inevitable." Missy's voice echoed up the stairs. 

Face the door.  Stabilize your shot if possible.  

Aim to kill.

Osgood took slow, shallow breaths, listening for footsteps on the stairs.

The bedroom window shattered behind her, followed by the sound of crunching twigs.  

Osgood turned around just in time to see Missy scrambling through the window.  "Stay back. This is specifically designed to deal with alien threats."

"Alien, maybe." Missy stepped into the room with the same studied nonchalance as an actress on the red carpet. "But Time Lords? It's not the first time someone's tried to pull this kind of stunt. You didn't have the resources then, and I doubt that's changed." 

 "Do you really want to find out?" She didn't wait for an answer.

Three wet patches seeped through Missy's left jacket lapels.  The Time Lady staggered to one side, holding out a hand to steady herself. "Not bad. I must admit, I didn't think you'd have the guts to actually do it."  

But her other hand held a shiny, sleek futuristic weapon. "Little kitty, don't go up against a tiger." 

At first, it didn't seem to do anything. There wasn't even any pain.  However, the gun slipped through her fingers onto the floor.

Her fingertips were dissolving, like sugar in tea. In seconds, they were completely gone. The process continued up her arms, disintegrating her whole body.


	3. Chapter 3

Osgood struggled for footing as Missy attempted to push her off the cliff.  Waves crashed against the chalk a hundred metres below.  

"How'd we get here?" she asked, mostly to distract Missy.

"Simple," Missy nodded at a bracelet on her arm.  "I didn't want things to get boring." She took another step forward, bringing all her weight into the equation.

Osgood had taken an unarmed combat class, but all she could remember at the moment was "There's no such thing as fighting dirty in a fight to the death." Or something to that effect.   Were Time Lords even vulnerable in the same places as humans? Eyes. Joints.   She reached for Missy's face, but the other woman shook her away as if she was a rag doll.

Even without looking, she could feel herself being pushed backwards. Missy suddenly let go, causing her to overcompensate. 

Osgood resisted the urge to spread her arms. Instead, she reached in and grabbed Missy by the collar.  "You're coming with me." Time to let gravity take over. "The score is now 3-1."


	4. Chapter 4

Osgood hoped they were still on earth. This time, the 'reset' had deposited her on a flight of stone stairs inside a tower, barely giving her time to notice her surroundings before Missy's voice echoed up from below. "Run, run, run."

She'd tried to count the stairs, but lost track around 35.  Her breathing got harder and harder, but she kept pressing on, urged by Missy's taunting. 

"Tired already?"

"Shall I could to a hundred and give you a head start?" 

"It's only a couple more steps." 

Finally, Osgood sank onto the stairs, unable to go another step. She fumbled through her pockets, but the inhaler wasn't there.

The footsteps drew near. What would it be this time? A rifle? A bayonet? A spear.

Missy stood four steps below Osgood, holding out the inhaler in her left hand. "Looking for this?"

"Missy... please..."

"Oh, this thing? Really?"

"Missy..." Exhaustion and terror weighed down her lungs. 

"Say something nice."

"Mis-" she couldn't even manage the second syllable.

Missy crouched down, looking Osgood in the eye. She took the inhaler and set it on the step,  just outside Osgood's reach.

Then she stepped on it. The plastic bent slightly, but held its shape. Missy brought her foot down again and again, until the largest pieces were only centimeters across. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Getting killed off four times in less than a hour was annoying enough in a video game, but being treated like a npc in Call of Duty was infuriating. And Missy's smirk last time...if looks could kill, the game would already be over. 

Time to turn the tables. Time Lords must have some weaknesses. Sure, they were immune to bullets, heat, cold, and most forms of radiation, but any attempted murder on those grounds would probably kill her too. 

She'd read all UNIT's files on the Doctor as soon as she got security clearance, multiple times.  The Master showed up a lot in those files too: manipulative,  hypnotic, addicted to complexity...maybe she could use that. If only she had some edge.  

Osgood looked around.  This round was apparently set in a rural village somewhere, with a pub on one side of the road and a chemist's on the other.  Better grab another inhaler before Missy showed up.

* * *

Osgood sat in the pub, two mugs of the house special set up in front of her.  She'd flashed her UNIT badge to clear the pub; if something went wrong, she didn't want to offer Missy more targets. Now, it was just a matter of playing her cards just right.

"Darling, there you are. Drinking so early in the day--what will your boss say?" Missy shuddered in mock horror.

"Not exactly.  Drink?"

"No thank you, I'd rather get on with it."

"And so would I. I've been bludgeoned, stabbed,shoved off a cliff, and choked today--not exactly how I'd like to spend a day off.  So let's finish it."  Osgood took a deep breath.  "You see the chemist across the street? I bought something there and put it in the beer.  Enough to kill.  But I'm not telling you which one."

"A sort of Russian roulette? Very original." Missy picked up one of the mugs. 

"I'll even give you first pick. But we drink at the same time."

"Oh, might as well take this one. Never second guess a decision, it always leads to trouble."

"Are you sure?" Osgood's eyes twitched.

"This was your idea, dear. Pick it up."

Osgood stared into the murky liquid. "Last chance to change your mind."

"Oh, I'm feeling quite confident," Missy took a giant swig from the mug. 

Osgood took a tiny sip and spit it back out. "Oh....dear..." she slumped back in the chair. 

"Set and match, I do believe."

"One last...thing. Iocane powder?"

"Never heard of it. Some new herbal remedy, is that what you used?" Missy tipped the mug back, emptying it.

"No." Osgood leaned forward, lips curling into a smile. "It means I won."

"What?" Missy gasped. She clutched the left side of her chest. "What did you...do?"

"Aspirin. In both glasses."  Half a box, in fact. "It was in the files. I just had to be sure you'd take the bait."

It didn't take long.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it's canon that Time Lords are allergic to aspirin and aspirin is available in powdered form. (Also, so what if The Princess Bride is American? I couldn't resist).


	6. Chapter 6

Osgood watched as golden light began to seep from Missy's body, slowly weaving a raccoon around the fallen Time Lady.  At the same time, the room blurred slightly--not the walls or the table, but just around the two of them, like a bubble sealing itself off.  

The light was normal, a standard by-product of regeneration, but something else was definitely going on here.  Osgood glanced at her watch; it was running backwards.  

It was rather hard to describe what happened after that--she figured it must be the same effect as rewinding an old VHS tape, but completely  remastering the backgrounds and replacing the special effects.  Instead, she found herself in a wooded area, with trees so close she could hardly see more than five metres in any direction.   It must have been the loop effect Missy had mentioned earlier, but contaminated with a spatial displacement feature.

_Think._ That's not a natural Time Lord ability.   A repeating cycle that restores individuals to their previous state upon a pre-set signal (her death, and apparently, Missy's. It was too much to hope for that she'd actually forced a regeneration.)  There must be some kind of tech involved...and if they're being moved in time as well as space, it most likely has to be small enough to carry.  

The bracelet. 

If she could destroy the bracelet, the loop would break.  

Osgood cut off the train of thought before she could run through possible consequences of breaking a time loop.  She couldn't lose her nerve now.   

"Naughty, naughty little girl," Missy's voice rang out. "You killed me good and proper that time. You actually killed me."

Osgood couldn't see her. She grabbed a fallen branch and gripped it like a cricket bat.  "I thought that was the idea." It was a good, solid branch, as big around as her wrist.  

Twigs cracked behind her.  Osgood whirled around, swinging the branch in a full circle. She heard the crunch of electronics breaking, following by sizzling.

The world turned inside out.


	7. Chapter 7

Osgood rubbed her eyes. Purple and green spots obscured the scene.  Night...Northern Hemisphere, judging from the constellations, quarter moon, no visible dwellings. She pulled out her satellite phone.

No signal.

Her head felt as if it had exploded and been glued back together by a nursery school.  Aftereffects of the explosion, most likely. 

Missy.

_Missy._

Pocket, inhaler, where--there. **Breathe.**

Missy isn't there. 

"Missy isn't here." Aloud, it sounded more plausiable.  

vworp. vworp.

What?

_Vworp vworp._

The TARDIS! Osgood turned around just in time to see the blue box materialize a few meters away.

"What is it this time, old girl?"

It wasn't any of the regeneration she'd met before; it was hard to tell in the half-light, but she didn't think it was any of the ones who had worked with UNIT in the past, either.

"Excuse me, there seem to be traces of a temporal splice connecting this location with the Australian Outbreak, 1629.  You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"

"Um, yes, that'd be me."

The Doctor fiddled with his sonic.  Velvet coat, so it could be the Brig's Doctor, but too young, with soft brown hair. "Yes,  I can sense early 21st-century technology, just a touch anachronistic for seventeenth century France."

"Oh, is that where I am? I don't suppose you could give me a lift, Doctor?"

"Doctor? Have we meet before?"

Bollucks! She hadn't meant to- "Not- that is--UNIT, I work for UNIT."

"And the time travel?"

Don't go into detail. Bare facts.  "I was dealing with a hostile who had the tech. Managed to smash it, but," she shrugged. "Ended up here."

"Well,  I don't make a habit of playing chauffeur, but maybe this once..." He grinned. "Fancy a lift?"

 


End file.
